


Sorry Bee.

by FaLiur3



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Bulimia/Anorexia, Child Abandonment, DadSchlatt, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Underage Drinking, gaslighting?, implied BPD, theres more im not tagging for now but i will add later, tubbo will make me cry, vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:21:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28913763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaLiur3/pseuds/FaLiur3
Summary: The Dadschlatt au!  Because I'm fucked in the head <33You saw it, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, there will be some fucked up shit in here, and I'm talking really fucked up.A lot of things regarding later events are a mix portrayed from my own issues, and my friends and we collectively will be sharing and adding some stuff here.  We love vents <33 Vent in the comments <33 We accept you no matter what as long as your actions aren't hurting others <33Istg, If i see anti's, Honey, whats here is here, and when i get into some depressing shit that happened to either my friend or myself, accept the fact that its real, and I'm not taking it down <3
Comments: 32
Kudos: 29





	1. "Well that's depressing!"

**Author's Note:**

> I legit started watching Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid while writing this and that shit POPS.
> 
> Anyway enjoy, lmao Sorry the first chapter is gonna be so effing short- I started this yesterday and my internet went out- I didn't know that at the time cause it was like two am, and I was out of it. So i restarted my computer and like the DUMBASS i am, forgot to save the fucking file, so i had to rewrite this with no motivation. Then I ended up enjoying it more once I got past the part i forgot to save lmao.
> 
> Like I said, anti's, fight me. My friend and i are f u c k e d i n t h e h e a d so just chill while we express our feelings and shit to cope <333
> 
> I personally don't comfortable sharing the name of my friend, even though they said i could i just feel uncomfy w/ that because it's their privacy, I would feel invasive, and its not my place to say it to ya'll <33333
> 
> Also like- Schlatt isn't 21 in this story- to make time lines and ages work, uhm obviously that wouldn't work. (Schlatt would've had to be four years old having Tubbo, and like no, just what- no-) SO hes aged up quite a bit so that it makes since <33

Violent Flashes of white ate away at his vision.

There was a small sleeping toddler, only three years old, and a young adult in the driver's seat. He glanced back to see his son sound asleep, holding onto his bee plush. "Oh god, this is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life." He muttered to himself sighing.

Parking his car near a driveway, he stepped out. Opening the door to the back seats, he slung the younger on his side, kissing his forehead. Other than the child, he grabbed a box that seemed to have blankets set in it, almost in a way set to cradle something. Walking to the doorstep, illuminated by a dim porch light. Setting the box down in front, he looked at his son. 

"Toby, I'm so sorry." Kissing his forehead a second time he placed him in the box making sure he didn't wake up.

"I love you Toby, but he'll take better care of you." 

Tears had threatened to spill at rapid paces before he rang the doorbell, starting his car driving off as tears flooded. "Damn, you're stronger than this."

"Hello? This is the Watson redsid-'' He paused looking around, seeing no one there. "Hello, did some on ding dong ditch m-"

"o-oh," With a confused and worried expression, he looked down seeing two tired brown eyes peering at him.

White flashed again.

"Damnit Malory! I had to! We both couldn't take care of him, and you know that for a fucking fact!" The voice of an angry young adult, seemingly in his first year of university rang through the apartment.

"Well if I knew you were going to give him away, why in god's name would I have him!?" There was another voice, fairly loud coming from the phone speaker.

"Neither you, nor your family were going to pay for child support! We fucked, and all I asked was for you to have him, And I looked after him for three years, neither of us are financially stable to support him, so he's with an old friend for now!" His tone only got louder, the more annoyed he became. "You prick! Malory, you walked out and didn't care to support him!"

"Oh!? Now I'm the bad guy?!"

"Damnit Malory!"

"No Johnathan, you're a terrible person."

"Oh? I'm a terrible person?! Malory, when did you ever ca-"

"Don't contact me ever again. Fuck off Johnathan."

_ Beep _

"N-no,"

She hung up on him. Tears spilled faster as he almost fell over kneeling to the floor. He held his head in his hands desperately trying to hold his head up. Broken sobs filled the room. "All gone, my family, my son, my sons mom." As he stood up, he wobbly tripped back to his room, collapsing on his bed from exhaustion. Tears falling down his cheeks, he replayed his thoughts in his head.

A flash of red. A fleshy orange-red. 

"Huh? Oh, it's morning." He opened his eyes, looking out the window. 

"More of those dumb nightmares. Well, I guess flashback dreams." Sitting up on his bed he looked at his alarm clock. "6 am huh? Early but whatever." Getting out of bed he walked to the kitchen, tired-eyed and still quite drowsy. grabbing a glass, he filled it with tap water, sipping it slowly.

Stumbling to his calendar near the stove, he looked over seeing the date. "Happy birthday me, and you too Toby." His son's birthday had been on the same day as him by coincidence. "Toby Smith, same last name as your mother." Downing the rest of the glass, he made his way to his bathroom splashing some cold water on his face.

Looking at himself he noticed something. He needed to shave, his mutton chops were growing untamed and uncared for. His hair was greasy, even after showering the morning prior, and he seemed to have eye bags the size of nickels, the color of ash. "When did I go to bed yesterday?"

Not caring too much he stripped then stepped in the shower, hissing at the temperature. After adjusting it he stood in the spurring water staring at the wall while his mind wandered.  _ "I wonder what Toby looks like by now. I know he had a tail, but I wonder if his horns have developed by now." _ Dampening his hair, and ringing it out while slicking it back, he continued thinking.  _ "Hope Malory is doing well. God, This is what it's like feeling old. 33 already? Toby is 17, 16, hell, he might even be eighteen" _ He chuckled at his own thought, and too lazy to do the math he was now grabbing two pumps of body wash, scrubbing himself.  _ "These thoughts are so stupid. God I always ask questions I'll never be able to answer." _ Shaking his head he finished showering, ringing his hair out and wrapping a towel around himself.

Walking to his mirror he still notices things he doesn't usually. He had abs, nothing fancy. He went to the gym four times a week. He noticed some scars. with a sigh, trying not to get too down about where they came from, all to self aware, he went to get dressed. A suit and tie was his usual outfit, sometimes he would change it up with just a button up, or on days off some casual wear, like slacks and sweaters. Slipping on some boxers, he looked at what he was to wear today. As president of Manburg, he only had so many options. Today was black dress pants, a white tucked-in button up, and a burgundy tie. making his way back to his bathroom, he gelled his hair, slicked back, trying his best to avoid his horns.

His tail and horns never fit his fancy, and he often got annoyed with them. Hats never sitting quite right, pants always needing to be tailored. Funny thing was, though he never liked traditionally "feminine" things, he had an odd nack for sewing. around middle school, his mom taught him sewing and fixing clothes. It helped a lot considering how awkward, and how much of a burden it is to have other people tailoring around your extra appendages. It's quite uncomfortable.

Glancing at himself, he half smiled, though feeling kinda shitty. Walking to his kitchen he stopped in the pantry, getting coffee filters and regular ground coffee. Waiting for the coffee to brew was a boring task so he turned on the news and thought about what he was to do that day. "Go into work, papers, more papers, lunch break, meeting, more papers, go home, papers, drink, and sleep. Well that's depressing!" He said as he got up to get his coffee cup. "Wonder how long they're going to keep the facade up. Idiots must think I have no idea what their game is. Little do they know I'm playing it."

Walking to grab some of his nicer shoes, he kept talking aloud to himself. "Will I ever meet Toby? I left him with Phil, but I'm guessing he put him up for adoption.  _ Fuck _ , the birthdays get me every year. Fucking wonderful, thats going to be on my mind for the rest of the day." Crouching down, he tied his laces, and stepped out grabbing his bag full of papers he needed to sign, and his coffee.

He shut the door, dashing off to his office, dreading another copy and pasted schedule.


	2. "We can get through this together."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> VERY ANGSTY DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT OMGG-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY TW/CW TIME:  
> Bulimia/Anorexia  
> Underaged Drinking  
> Body Dysmorphia  
> Critical of:  
> -hip dips  
> -stomach  
> -neck/face  
> -thighs  
> Slight BPD/Guilt tripping? (maybe gaslighting??)
> 
> I TOLD YOU- this is a very angsty chapter, its from my own body dysmorphia and, yes bulima.

He arrived at his office, rushing to make it on time and get started.

With a sigh he sat down at his desk, opening his bag to the papers he had forgotten to sign. "Shit!" he mumbled under his breath.

"Excuse me, Sir?" There was a knock on the door and a similar voice accompanying it.

"Yes, come in Tubbo."

"Sorry to bother, but I wanted to get you a gift for your birthday!" Sounding excited, he got out a medium-sized box from his bag. 

Handing it to him, he opened it slowly. Inside was a knit blue sweater, with small designs of snowflakes and icicles patterned on.

"Oh, this is- Tubbo, I-  _ Thank you _ ?" Schlatt was still shaken by the whole ordeal, not expecting his vice to be so kind, much less get him a gift. He smiled as he looked at the knitting, admiring the patterns.

"I thought it was funny our birthdays were on the same day, so why not celebrate?" Tubbo looked genuinely happy, though he understood Schlatt was the enemy, he couldn't help but feel content about the silly coincidence. Schlatt looked at him longingly. He had seen something, it wasn't right, there was something different about his appearance. small horns and ears.  _ "Wait what? When did he get horns and ears?" _

"Tubbo, do you have," He paused, "Do you have ears and horns?" Schlatt questioned.

"Oh- I- yes! They only developed this much till around now. Most of my life I hid my ears, I was told my dad was a ram too, but I've never met him," His face shifted to a half-frown half-smile. "There's no reason to be sad though, so it's okay." Tubbo rambled, embarrassed at the comment.

_ "Fuck, I, what is happening?” _ Schlatt was in deep thought, too confused and scared to answer.  _ "What the hell, could he? No, he couldn't, No way!" _

"Uhm, Sir? Are you alright?"

Taken out of his thoughts he just nodded, looking confused and worried. "Sorry I didn't get you anything, I blanked-"

"No, it’s fine!" Tubbo cut him off. "I do have some papers to get to, have a good day sir!" With that, he was off. Work to do as he thought to himself.  _ "Why was Schlatt so worried? Did he know something? Of course not tubbo, you always think of answers you know will never happen. How much work do I even have?! Oh shit, I forgot to do my papers yesterday, god I have the attention span of a three-year-old!" _

Walking at an almost inhuman pace, he dashed back to his office looking through papers. His dad was running through his mind for some reason.  _ "What did he look like, and what did my mom? It had to be something like me, brown hair, brown eyes, something of the sort." _ Continuing his thoughts he dove deeper.  _ "He must be an asshole, to leave me, his kid! How in the world do you leave a kid?" _ Tears almost spilled out, as his mind and emotions got the best of him.  _ "If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have such a shit life. Working for a Tyrant who can barely show emotion, working a job full of stress and pain. Labor every goddamn day!" _

Now holding in sobs he still kept on thinking, _ "God, he just- What's wrong with him! Picked on because I was adopted, years of unhealthy habits." _ Closing his eyes, he dropped the papers he was holding as he curled into a ball. Knees to his chest, head buried in them, crying. "GOD DAMNIT!" Practically screaming, confused and angry. "He l-left me," His tone now softened. "Why, why, why, why?"

Frantically looking around the room, for something- something to calm his nerves, so alone. "What- what do I have?!" Now standing by his desk rummaging through his drawers. "Yes! I knew it was here!" Grabbing out a bottle of cheap-ish Chardonnay he bought a month back. Glancing at the clock that read 10 am. "A bit early," with a broken hiccuped laugh he popped open the cap not even caring for a glass just wanting some sort of release.

With a relieved sigh, he sat down trying to wipe his tears as he hiccuped. "God, this is the worst way I could've dealt." He looked at himself laughing. "Years dad, it was years."

No child should've been through the same thing Toby did.

He remembers the experience, so, so clearly.

All the lies he was told. Your tiny gut, You know? Often it's something you have as a kid, it can be tiny, it changes with your weight, everyone is different, hell, some people barely have a noticeable one. "It will go away with time!"

A clean bathroom. That day he had about a quarter of his cereal. He wondered if anyone noticed. He just stared at the sandwich, juice box, banana, and granola he had, not eating anything. Six rolled around.

"Tommy! Wilbur! Dave! Toby! Dinners ready!"

a couple of hollars of "coming!" "Okay!" "Just a second!" before Tommy opened the door.

"You ready Tubbo?"

"Oh! yeah sorry, I was a bit spaced out." Tubbo said with a nervous giggle before he started towards his door.

"Hey you two, are you ready?" Phil asked as the two walked to the kitchen.

"Uh, yeah" Tubbo replied with a half-smile.

The two boys plated their food while glancing over. Wilbur, Phil, and Dave had already seated at the couch watching some tv while the two sat across from each other and started eating his food. Tommy scarfed down his food, as per usual. Toby could only watch, he remembered quite a lot. He had a high metabolism but was stuck with the thing most people forget exists; skinny shaming. Lanky, on the taller side, small waist, blue eyes, blonde hair, yet maintained build and had a lot of muscle which in return made him stronger than most of his classmates. 

He was the dream. Girls always swooned over him, and usually the guys making fun of him because they were jealous. They were like brothers, but Tommy never noticed something wrong. There was nothing, and it sucked. It hurts knowing people are there, but they’re not really.

"You can talk to me!" Ha, that’s bullshit. That's just trying to make you feel comfortable when they know you're not going to be. Because of this shitty view on his body, he picked at his food. He barely ate anything that night.

Just him and Tommy at this point. Wilbur and Dave decided to take a walk, and Phil had a date. Tommy had been playing video games for a while, with no sign of taking his attention to his screen, so he left for the restroom.

Water never looked so inviting yet hostile. Washing his hands he leaned over the toilet, sticking his finger as far as he could. Tears formed in his eyes but he persisted.

The reflex kicked in, it was so, so scary yet comforting. Gaging a couple of times he finally let fluids run. It was disgusting, a vomit filled bowl, a just barely, almost empty stomach left with what he wasn't able to get up. His throat hurt like hell.

The process had taken two tries washing his hands in between, almost throwing up from the sight of throw up on his hands.

The next week he continued this on and off.

He had one friend he didn't push away; Ranboo.

"Hey, dude are you okay? You seem, paler? And you haven't been eating practically anything at lunch."

"Oh! Sorry, I haven't been hungry at lunch for some reason. I'm not sure why but I haven't been feeling it recently." Tubbo replied, hiding the nervousness in his voice.

"No it's okay, I just remember you eating more. Sorry if I pushed too much."

Ranboo was so sweet, so caring, and sweet to everyone. It felt dirty lying to him, but he had to.

A month. He noticed the decline in his complexion, but he ignored that. Instead, he noticed what he wanted to. A change in his stomach, arms, legs, everything he had felt so bad about. Even his facial structure and cheeks thinned out. He smiled but tried to tell himself it wasn't enough. He noticed the imperfections, at least what he saw as imperfections.

He still had this gut, well it wasn't really, but by his measures for himself, if he couldn't see his thighs clearly, it wasn't skinny enough. His wrist, small. Smaller than ever, he could touch pinky and thumb around the space. He looked more. His lips were smaller, they had a tiny cupid's bow, and in general, he hated them. He noticed his hip dips. There was a long space between his waist and femur. Letting out a sigh, the eyes in his mirror finally looked away.

Soon this went on for a year. He noticed he got light-headed standing up, and that his gag reflex was weakening but hurt more. Every day was more brushing his teeth careful not to let the smell slip. He started eating a bit more. Eating all of his breakfast, still cutting out lunch, and throwing up most of his dinner, not that he ate much. Eat, Stare, Excess, Repeat. Unhealthy he understood, but he only cared about his body and took out his anger towards the things he couldn't change with this process. This went on for almost a year before the day he feared most came.

He was around 13, and Tommy had finished early with his session, however, tubbo hadn't.

"Tubbo! I need to pee, are you done yet?" Tommy hollered from the other side.

This movement sent tubbo into a panic, worried about what was to come. He hadn't locked the door on accident, and his worry caused him to choke further. This made a constricted gargle that seemed like it wasn't even human.

"Hey, tubbo are you okay?! I heard a weird noise now and I'm coming in-"

"NO! Tommy it's okay really, I just was- I- Uhm-"

"COMING IN!" Tommy opened the door with a small amount of force from his worried expression to turn to terror and fear. He saw his best friend, someone he had known since he was three, frantically stuttering words with a vomit-covered hand, filled toilet bowl, and a face almost identical to Tommy's.

"Tommy- I Uhm, It's not what it looks like?"

His look was horrified, in no way would he believe this was just some stomach issues or food poisoning.

"What do you mean big T? IT LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST THREW UP, i-"

"Then it's exactly what it looks like," Tubbo said with a nervous frown. He wasn't prepared for the words Tommy uttered next.

"Tubbo, I- I need to know, was it on purpose?" The younger said with a saddened expression. He cared.

"I- Uhm- No!! Of course not, Tommy why would you think that I was just not feeling well and I threw up!" His words slurred at the pace he was talking.

"Mhm, I- Toby you're a terrible liar."

"I-" Toby tried to speak but was cut off by Tommy.

"wash your hands and brush your teeth, we will come back to this when you finish."

Toby was going to protest but just compiled seeing as there was no point in arguing.

Washing his hands he thought about his day and what was next to come. Wilbur had a gig at a local restaurant, and Dave was in a late class. Phil was out with his now-wife who had wedded around 6 years ago. They must've gone to a bar or something. It reminded him of the first time he threw up.

Brushing his teeth he wondered what Tommy would say to him. Would he be angry? No, Tommy isn't like that when it comes to serious topics. His twitch streaming personality was more energetic, but in real life, he was more relaxed. Finishing the set his toothbrush before walking into the boy's shared room.

"He big T, come sit." Tommy patted the open space on the bottom bunk. Tubbo had a worried expression but was surprised when Tommy pulled him into a hug, small tears forming at the corner of his eyes. "I just want to know what made you want to." the two had started softly sobbing as tubbo bit his lip, small whimpers escaping.

"I j-just," was all the older man managed to get out before breaking down. Sobs and cries continued. Tommy teared up too, being as sacred as he was he just embraced the other not wanting to let go. "Tommy, I-i'm so s-sorry."

Tommy looked confused as he met eyes. "Tubbo, why are you sorry? You didn't do anything, there's no reason to apologize!"

With a saddened look he continued to sob through his embarrassment and sadness.

The younger giggled. "Tubbo, It's okay. I want you to work through it." Tommy looked at him with soft eyes as he hugged him again.

"Tommy i-i just wan-t one the-thing."

"What is Big T?"

"I just, p-please don't tel-l dad or Wilbur or t-techno. I don-t't want to g-get in trouble."

A bit confused Tommy started, "Tubbo I have to! they deserve to know, maybe they can help-"

"please." Tubbo looked up, pleading in his eyes. "You don't understand, I don't need them to be scared. You know how they take out their feelings when they’re scared."

None of the others expressed their worse emotions well. When they were scared, they never acted like it in some sense and way. Phil always got frustrated and took it out on others emotionally. He would yell and cry, and later act disappointed. He gaslighted you, It was your fault, only because he didn't know how to deal with the fact he never noticed. If you hid it well, or it wasn't a huge issue, he just acted visibly disappointed.

Wilbur blamed himself on everything, whether it was related to him or not, and the worst part is the accidental guilt. He didn't even mean it, but his stress just made him blame everything that went wrong on himself. Did you mess up a word in your play? His fault, he didn't help you practice that one time. Did you forget your water? It was his fault, it was on the counter, he should've remembered it. 

Techno wasn't much better. He acted older, he treated being scared as a weakness, therefore if your actions made him sad, scared, anxious, he hid it and hid from you in general.

Tommy was the only rational one. He was the only one who looked at it and validated your emotions. He saw why you were hurt, and though he seems like he'd be the worst at comforting you he was the best.

His step-mom was nice. Her name was Kristen, and she was there but his advice didn't help. I didn't help now, given the fact that he was dealing with bulimia, and how could anyone in this family help? Pretty much no one offered support and Tommy understood this.

"I- I get it, I won't tell them, but this means you have to try and stop?"

"O-okay" Tubbo looked around sheepishly, "I'll try."

"Thanks, tubs, we can get through this together."

The two hugged, nothing was mentioned to the others, staying the way Tubbo wanted it; quiet, and secret. Maybe with a lot of work, this would end up being okay. Time continued flowing as it did, blurring, slowing, steadying continuously.

He then passed out in his office, waiting for the hangover yet to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed?? If you could?? I got gramarlly- (happy cheers!) I hope it works and my writing makes more sense and seems more fluent. Uhh hate comments are welcome, if you do idfk why there;s not really anything to- ITS NOT TOMMY/TUBBO ISTG IF I GET HATE FOR THAT- THEY ARE JUST BROS IN THIS SO SHUT UP. pspspsps this took me wayyyy to long, so ya'know hope you liked it?  
> idfk maybe someone can cope w/ this but who fuckin knows- My situation was verrrryyyy specific. I tried to punctuate all the Tubbo's but I may have failed and I'm sorry-
> 
> ALSO I FORGOT A WORD COUNT ON THE LAST CHAPTER SO HERE IS ONE I'M SORRY-
> 
> Word count: 2606  
> Page count (on google docs): 6

**Author's Note:**

> Yoooo hope you enjoyed, I had a shit ton of fun writing this and just getting some feels out. It's like, fuck- 4 am, and I need sleep, but sleep is for losers and I'm not a loser >:)))
> 
> (That was a joke, please get sleep, I'm super unhealthy and its caused me multiple emotional and physical issues so stay safe and drink some water <33333)
> 
> Comment any ideas ya'll have! I have some but i'm always interested in what you guys would like to see owo. Hate is welcome! <333


End file.
